sábado, 29 de agosto de 2009


Tenho trabalhado tanto, mas sempre penso em vc. Mais de tardezinha que de manhã, mais naqueles dias que parecem poeira assenta e com mais força quando a noite avança. Não são pensamentos escuros, embora noturnos…
Sabe, eu me perguntava até que ponto você era aquilo que eu via em você ou apenas aquilo que eu queria ver em você. Eu queria saber até que ponto você não era apenas uma projeção daquilo que eu sentia, e se era assim, até quando eu conseguiria ver em você todas essas coisas que me fascinavam e que no fundo, sempre no fundo, talvez nem fossem suas, mas minhas, e pensava que amar era só conseguir ver, e desamar era não mais conseguir ver, entende?
Eu quis tanto ser a tua paz, quis tanto que você fosse o meu encontro.

Quis tanto dar, tanto receber. Quis precisar, sem exigências. E sem solicitações, aceitar o que me era dado. Sem ir além, compreende? Não queria pedir mais do que você tinha, assim como eu não daria mais do que dispunha, por limitação humana. Mas o que tinha, era seu.
Mas se você tivesse ficado, teria sido diferente?
Melhor interromper o processo em meio: quando se conhece o fim, quando se sabe que doerá muito mais — por que ir em frente?
Não há sentido: melhor escapar deixando uma lembrança qualquer, lenço esquecido numa gaveta, camisa jogada na cadeira, uma fotografia — qualquer coisa que depois de muito tempo a gente possa olhar e sorrir, mesmo sem saber por quê. Melhor do que não sobrar nada, e que esse nada seja áspero como um tempo perdido.

Tinha terminado, então. Porque a gente, alguma coisa dentro da gente, sempre sabe exatamente quando termina.

Mas de tudo isso, me ficaram coisas tão boas. Uma lembrança boa de você, uma vontade de cuidar melhor de mim, de ser melhor para mim e para os outros. De não morrer, de não sufocar, de continuar sentindo encantamento por alguma outra pessoa que o futuro trará, porque sempre traz, e então não repetir nenhum comportamento. Ser novo.
Mesmo que a gente se perca, não importa. Que tenha se transformado em passado antes de virar futuro. Mas que seja bom o que vier, para você, para mim. Te escrevo, enfim, me ocorre agora, porque nem você nem eu somos descartáveis.
. . . E eu acho que é por isso que te escrevo, para cuidar de ti, para cuidar de mim – para não querer, violentamente não querer de maneira alguma ficar na sua memória, seu coração, sua cabeça, como uma sombra escura.
( Caio F. Abreu )
Caio ....
Como sempre, falando por mim !
O que eu tinha era seu, e você não quis, mas ficará tudo guardado comigo, porque são meus melhores sentimentos.....

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